Fast Zombies vs. Slow Zombies - Which is More Fun?

There are some huge debates on the internet on whether it’s possible for a zombie to run and/or sprint. Most zombie purists believe there’s no possible way a zombie could run. Why? Because their bodies are not only decomposing, but are also going through rigor mortis (which makes their bodies “stiff and difficult to move or manipulate” Link). Other zombie fans like the idea of a challenging zombie apocalypse – fast zombies. Most zombie fans don’t really give a damn.

Now, I'm not here to discuss which zombie speed is accurate or even possible because I would then have to explain how zombies are possible in the first place, and we really don’t want to get into that (there are just so many possibilities!).

Instead I'm going to discuss which scenario is most fun! 

Slow zombies are fun for one very important (yet debatable) reason – it creates a REAL apocalyptic situation, or at least in my opinion it does. Living in a slow zombie apocalyptic world allows you to stop, smell the coffee, and rebuild. Instead of dealing with an apocalyptic situation where life on earth probably won’t last more than a few days, a slow zombie apocalypse allows for a “post”-apocalyptic situation to arise. We could literally live in a slow zombie world for decades because unlike fast zombies, slow zombies are slower at killing us. This allows us to build camps, fortresses, and even cities dedicated to our survival. There’s no telling what kind of things we could do in these cities (create our own governments, reestablish hedonism, form a zombie Olympics [not sprinting allowed]).  

Now this is not with out discussion. If slow zombies are too slow to kill is, what’s stopping us from killing them all? In my observation, the only way a slow zombie apocalypse could last a long time is if the virus is air borne or water borne, or if we humans are just too stupid and allow slow zombies to kill us all. Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot a stupid people out there, but not nearly enough to allow a slow zombie apocalypse to last for decades.

Now lets move on to fast zombies! Fast zombies were made popular my Zack Snyder’s remake of George A. Romero’s 1978 Dawn of Dead. Snyder’s film of the same name featured zombies that ran, sprinted, and seemed to be unphased by rigor mortis or decomposition. A fast zombie apocalypse is most fun in video games, but how fun exactly are they in a real life situation? Not fun at all I’ll say! Why you ask? Because how the hell are we suppose to survive with Olympic running zombies chasing after us? The second you leave your fortified mall to scavenge for food and water you won’t get half a foot without your body being ripped in three by a fast zombie. My tip in this situation? Pre-stuff your bug-out-bag with every kind of seed, hold out near a fenced in area full of dirt, and learn rain dancing because we all know it never rains during a zombie apocalypse.

That’s my take on which zombie apocalypse is most fun. Yeah it’s kind of short, but then again this is the internet and most readers’ attention spans are no longer than half a joint on my pinky finger. Also, because this is the internet, you should leave your comments! According to you, the real zombie experts, which zombie scenario is most fun?

One of the Greatest Films Ever Made! Gattaca: A Review

Imagine living in a society where discrimination begins before birth, where your genetics determine whether you live a life of prosperity or a life in the gutter. In 1997, Andrew Niccol explored the future of our society where genetic perfection rules all. In Gattaca, Vincent Freeman, a genetic degenerate, assumes the identity of Jerome Eugene Morrow, the picture of genetic perfection, to gain access into the Gattaca space program. Vincent’s dream was to travel to Jupiter before his heart was scheduled to stop; Jerome, who is paralyzed from the waist down, allows the use of his perfect identity to help Vincent achieve his dream.   

Acting/Characters

Ethan Hawke gives a brilliant performance as Vincent Freeman. Hawke shows the pain of a person cursed with the “genetic defect” of being what we consider a normal born child. His dedication to the role is seen through Vincent’s dedication and drive at stopping at nothing to travel to Jupiter. Vincent is cunning in his disguise as Jerome Morrow making sure to clean and dispose of every hair and nail that may reveal his true identity thus derailing his lifelong dream.

Jude Law as the real Jerome Morrow is an amusing character allowing Vincent to use his identity to pose as genetic perfect. Though he is often drunk and babbling about how much of an amazing person he use to be, deep inside Jude allows us to see Jerome’s serious and vulnerable side.

Irene Cassini is the lover of Vincent and is played by Ethan Hawke’s past real life love Uma Thurman. Irene is sort of a cold character, but this is made so by her environment which disallows her (not as genetically perfect as she may seem) to be and love who she wants. She falls in love with Vincent posing as Jerome and is shocked yet memorized when she finds his true identity.  

Script

Unlike most other first time screen writers, Andrew Niccol’s Gattaca script was beyond brilliance. He takes us in deep at the very beginning of the film during Vincent’s birth. Vincent’s father refuses to name his first born son after himself as his name would be tainted by Vincent’s genetic deformities.

We are taken along with Vincent through his childhood where his is out-shinedGattaca physically by his younger brother and shunned by his parents. The emotion digs even deeper as Vincent is denied job after job because of his poor genetics. He ends up as a janitor cleaning the ins and outs of the Gattaca building. It seems he will never travel into space even though the very building he cleans specializes in space travel.

Niccol finally gives us hope as Vincent decides to take on Jerome Morrow’s identity which is considered illegal in their society. Succeeding at literally becoming Jerome Morrow, Vincent is finally given the chance to travel through space as he is accepted into the Gattaca space program. But before he gets his chance, Niccol hits us again with a major stumbling block for Vincent – murder at Gattaca.

Niccol continues to engage us as Vincent and Irene fall in love, and Vincent tries to conceal his true identity as detectives (including his own younger brother) rummage through Gattaca trying to find the murderer. Niccol gives us intense romance and thrill in this science fiction drama that once you've seen, it will never be forgotten.

It’s quite obvious I am in love with this film. It came out when I was only seven years old. I remember hearing Michael Nyman’s brilliant score and remembering it up until I was about fifteen years old when I finally saw Gattaca in full. It’s a shame Nyman didn’t win best score back in 1998. If you want a look into the future of our society ruled by genetics, check out Gattaca. You won’t be disappointed.

It’s the Apocalypse! Assemble Your Team!

It’s the apocalypse! Zombies, natural disaster, economic collapse, aliens, rapture, whatever you prefer. The sky has burst into balls of fire. You’re desperately running out of food and water. And a mysterious stranger with a knife and/or razor sharp teeth is right behind you. As horrible as this may seem, it’s actually your lucky day. You’ve stumbled upon a group of random people with random occupations and you’re allowed to take five of them with you. Who do you choose to assemble your team?

I asked this question on Yahoo Answers and have so far gotten five answers.

Excluding one’s family I gave six choices to choose from including:

a nurse?
a scientist?
a marine?
a plumber?
a high school math teacher?
anyone else?

Answers ranged from “a scientist” to “anyone who wanted to come along as long as they worshiped the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob as their God” to “Chuck Norris” (of course) to “a marine. If it was a viral situation. If it was an end of the world, no one can do anything about it. A Priest,” and finally “my high school math teacher....when im in a sticky situation i'd just push him onto the zombies and run...”

I’ve personally thought about this question for a very short period of time and have come to a conclusion of who I would like to take with me during an apocalyptic situation (excluding my family of course, because that would be too easy (or would it?)).

1. A Doctor – this is a simple one. The doctor is there to heal my broken bones and cure any diseases I acquire on the way to the promised land (which includes malls, theme parks, or Mount Everest.).

2. A Marine – we all know the marines kick more ass than the army, navy, and air force combined (or so I’ve been told, don’t kill the messenger). So when the crap hits the fan and you’re being chased down fifth avenue by a pack of mutants don’t hesitate to pick up the marine (though I suggest following his orders since you’re no longer the leader of the group after this, though I'm fine with that ‘cause I can’t shoot a gun worth crap).

3. That old Survivalist Guy Down the Street – you know, the one who uses barbed wire as a fence? Though we know the marine can survive almost any tough situation, he’s going to be busy chewing bubble and kicking ass. So how the hell are you and your team going to live off of wild berries and Twinkies? And for that matter, how are you going to find any Twinkies? That’s where That old Survivalist Guy Down the Street comes in. He’s been living on spam since the 1969 and trust me, he knows where to find whole dusty boxes of those things.

4. The Hot Chick or the Hot Guy – this is pretty easy. He or she is just there for eye candy and maybe for you to fall in love with depending on if he goes for the sexy doctor or if she goes for the bad ass marine first (or the other way around depending on their sexuality).

5. The Scientist – he’s just there to find a solution to all this crap. You know, like a cure or a death ray.

So, whoever you pick to take with you to the promised land during an apocalyptic situation (excluding your family) just remember my five top picks… unless your have a better group. And of course, don’t forget to have fun! It’s the apocalypse for crying out loud!

Visions of the Future

Take a look into the world of the future where humans live in orbital space colonies, on Mars, and in dystopian cities.

This video features the work of Syd Mead, the tunes of Adam F., and gives you a look into the Stanford Torus.

This is a T & 21 Film brought to you by The Genius Pictures Association of Euland.  

Let Us All Celebrate Zombie Day

The dead shall rise again and on that date we shall celebrate their return. This is Zombie Day.

Celebrate Zombie Day by popping your favorite pop corn and snuggling up in front of your tube or laptop screen.

If you do not have these films in your personal collection some of them can be found on youtube.com. Warning- if on youtube.com, the film will be in no longer than 10 minute segments and some (though rarely) run the risk of have missing segments.

And the day begins…

Night of the Living Dead (1968): Most regard this film as a classic. I regard George A. Romero’s Night of the Living Dead as classic because it’s the only black and white film that scares the hell out of me. I saw this film for the first time as an eleven year old bible believing kid. Remembering some bible passage about the dead walking the earth, I never sat too close to the windows of my house for fear of zombies bursting through the glass, grabbing me, and tearing me to pieces. Watching this film reinforced my fear of zombies or rather glass windows as I never sit near windows till this day. Watch this film as an introduction to your Zombie Day or as a conclusion.

Night of the Living Dead (1990): I can’t remember the first time I saw this, but the first thing I remember was “is that the Candyman playing a survivor of the apocalypse?” Nonetheless, many don’t regard this Tom Savini film as a classic because they see it as inferior to the original (but then most of those people see every remake as inferior to the original (I tend to ignore them)). The best thing about this film is Patricia Tallman- the new and improved Barbara. Unlike the first Barbara, this Barbara (by the end of the film) carries a hand gun and hauls ass when it’s time.

Dawn of the Dead (1978): Another classic film that can scare the crap out of any generation. And when I say classic, I mean 70s complete with funk bass, bellbottoms, and afros alike. This film hits you as terrifying at the first scene when Francine wakes from her nightmare. Just by the look on her face and the chaos of the news studio you know civilization is about to come to a stand still.

Day of the Dead (1985): And that stand still came in 1985 with Day of the Dead. I have never seen such purposeful gore in a film (and no, those Saw and Hostel films are not examples of purposeful gore (excluding Saw I, that film was good)). I nearly puked at the site of this zombie’s intestines collapsing onto the floor. I love this film for its atmosphere. Civilization is gone, and only a few have survived to put it all back together.

Shaun of the Dead (2004): We see a day in the life of Shaun, a man who ruins his relationship with his girlfriend, then in the midst of a zombie apocalypse he tries to get her back. This is one of the best zombie comedies with as many Romero references as you’d like.

28 days later (2002): We all know that 28 Days Later is not an “undead” film as the zombies are living human beings who are infected by the rage virus. However, these creatures ARE zombies as they are mindless and out for one thing- to pull your endocrine system out of your body (quoting Gary Busey).

Dawn of the Dead (2004): Now this is a film I do not regard as good as the original, but that’s only because the classic is one of the best film of all time (FACT). But if you’re in for some zombie kicking action tune in to this one (especially at the end).

Return of the Living Dead (1985): The coolest thing about Return of the Living Dead is that the zombies can talk. They order their meals by requesting more paramedics. Return of the Living Dead is part of a series. I suggest only watching the first two films.

Planet Terror (2007): For the guy who directed those Spy Kids films, Robert Rodriguez sure knows how to put on a gore fest. But then again, he also directed From Dusk Till Dawn. Planet Terror is damn good because it doesn’t take itself seriously (unlike Death Proof). It laughs at how B movie-ish it is while still being true to the “small town apocalypse” atmosphere. 

And that's it. But Zombie Day doesn't have end here. Post your favorite Zombie Day movies. I mean, I haven't seen every zombie movie in existence... yet.